A Neo-Feminist View of Abstinence

Yes, the "s" word. I don't mean sword, but sex. Moreover, abstinence. I just read an article from USA Today by Elizabeth Sandoval. I like how she opens the article, "I don't want to have sex. Actually, I do want to have sex, but with my husband. I don't have one yet." I know that as some may read her article and say that conservatives have been saying this for years; let's get passed that. Here is a self-proclaimed neo-feminist who is valuing sex and self. Great article.

Teeth, Spam and No Response

Well, the blog about Barb has gone over really well. She had heard wisdom teeth extracted Tuesday, so I'm feeling better today, Friday. One more story and I'll stop beating this horse that died a few days ago. Barb and I watch the News Hour with Jim Lehrer. They had a ten minute segment on, I think, Ms. Sheehan, who is protesting in Crawford, Texas. Barb and I watched that segment and sat rather close together for about an hour. The next day she saw a news blurb and said, "Oh, Jim Lehrer, did a sement on that last night. You should've seen it!" I hope that this is not the same kind of recognition I will get in a care home when I'm elderly.

So, I pass the knowledge around to a few people that Barb had her teeth excavated and people read and get back to me and say, "That was funny . . ." Well, I checked my comments this morning and I see that I have the most comments ever for any of my post yet--six. Now, I'm a humble country boy and realize that is not a staggering number. So I click on the comments and it's spam!!!!!!! Only one of the comments was from a reader. The other comments are mass produced, overly generalized comments that spammers send to get your attention. Sickening and pride clubbing. That should be against the law, primarily because I don't like it. See, I'm a forthright person.

Well, Senator Thad Cochran's ofrfice has not phoned me back, so I'm still very disappointed that he did not see it fitting to apologize apologize for the lynchings of about 4,500 hundred negroes in America. below. Come on, Thad, just throw me some kind of bone. Tell me you were out of town, a relative was sick, you were on a fact finding mission in the Mississippi Delta, but don't just leave me hanging like those 4,500 innocent people. I don't expect an apologize--neither for your not returning my phone call nor for those loved ones of years past.

Wisdom and Teeth

Well, Barb is on the couch watching the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. She had her wisdom teeth extracted today. Barb makes me laugh, so put gauze in her mouth, a bit of valium, novicane and her insistent upon the time that she was "in there" and, well, my ribs hurt. My only true comfort right now is that she probably will not remember most of the times I was bent double laughing at her goings on.

On the way out she was wheelchaired. As the receptionist told us good-bye Barb gave a hearty and rhythmic wave of the hand like the Queen. She seemed quite mesmerized and asked inquisitively several times, "Is that my lip? Is that my tongue?"

I'm learning to translate. After surgery she was very cold. Luckily I have some good verbal skills and since there is no such thing as a "fiscal blanket" I got her the thicker blanket. Oh, and I've also become the humblest of servants. I got her water to drink. She took a mouth full and the light maroon "oral Kool-Aid" came right out. She's learning to swallow again.

Well, I'm thinking about doing something special with those teeth of hers that are on a counter in the kitchen. Perhaps I should make her a necklace interspersing the teeth throughout like she had hunted down the crocodile herself. Matches is really interested in them. Maybe what Corte Madera needs is a cute pitbull with a necklace made of teeth. . . .

Several hours have passed now and Barb is up and running. I hear her cleaning the kitchen. She's heroic when it comes to pain. We've had a good time today. I read her a chapter out of the new Harry Potter book and even did some good inflection. And I just read to her what you just read. She has a good sense of humor. I've tried as much as possible to mess with her head. "Barb, do you remember telling the nurse you could see down her blouse?" And of course she is bright red with embarassment and says, "No! No, way. Oh, gosh!" Seriously, I've told her that three times today and I've gotten the same response. It's kinda like Guy Pierce in the movie Memento.

Thanks to Dr. Mason Lee. Heck, he's so good I'm thinking about having teeth extracted--wisdom or not. Well, I think I need to go tell Barb about something she said to the nurse.

The Greatest Day

Today is our four-year anniversary. So to all of you nay sayers who said that Barb couldn't take two years of me, much less a lifetime, I want to say that you underestimated (or misunderestimated if you heard one interview of our President) the power of asprin, prayer and Barb's ability to turn a blind eye to many of my shananigans.

I went to my secret store early this morning to get a balloon and 25 roses. No, not two dozen--that's cliche. No, not just a dozen--I want to impress. Not three dozen--well, I'm not made of money, you know. And then a balloon. But which balloon? Now, I like using my creative side, especially early in the morning. That suits me best. When I wake up I'm ready to tackle the world. I'm high functioning as early as 0600 or oh six o'clock. I saw the perfect balloon--"You'll be missed." I would then buy said balloon, get a Sharpie marker and the balloon would read, "You'll be missed--please stay at least one more day." I also saw another that said, "Got a bug; need a hug?" I would get said balloon and said Sharpie and edit, "Got a bug; get a hug; and no deep kissing; I don't want to be sick also." Then I saw another balloon, "Over the hill." I wouldn't get said balloon or said Sharpie because that balloon, well, there's nothing funny about kidding a woman about her age.

So our house is decorated with roses--some in a huge vase, some in candle holders, one by the bath towels and one in teh q-tip dispenser.

Oh, thanks to Trina, worker of the beforementioned secret store. It was early and she was so helpful. I'll contact the owners of the secret store and give some detail as to how she was so helpful and made this so secretly easy.

It's been a really good six years. I love you, Barb.

P.S. Barb: I expect a reply on this post.

Jason

VBS--Very Busy Schedule

This week is a great week thus far. I've been pushed beyond my relational comfort zones and limitations. My physical endurance has been tested and though at times it has been bent it has not been broken. My ability to run off of the raw processed bi-product of cane plants has been met with pit bull determination. I have run, I have walked, I have built things with my own hands, I have learned sign language, I have been gifted with a great leadership position with a great group of guys. We have come up with slogans to improve group morale and have traveled the far and remote places of the Serengeti.

This week I am a crew leader in Vacation Bible School and it's only Tuesday.

A Special Word

Hey, thanks to Terrance for pushing me Sunday because I had yet to tell him I had a blog.

Thanks to Robin for letting mine be the first blog she's read.

Thanks to Bev for coming into town with Lilly and Conrad.

And thank you Mom. I love you so much and wish I could give you a huge birthday hug and kiss your forehead. You're a great momma, great cook, hard worker and great friend. I love you. Happy birthday.

Ten Years Already?

Well, this weekend is my ten year high school reunion. Hard to believe that it's been a decade already. Sadly I will be in absentia from the ceremonies. I had already bought tickets to visit my family and the reunion was schedule for after I came back. I'll miss the group.

They put up with a lot of immaturity from me way back when. I'm grateful for that and am surprised that I was not banned from the reunion roster. Viva la graciousness!!!!!

The ten days in Mississippi went really well. Yes, it was hot--four days over 100 degrees. The heat was drippin' from the trees. I saw the nieces and nephew, played basketball, ate bbq, hung out with my little sis and my bigger bros. All in all it was a fine to do. My stated goal before going was to rest so much that I would get bed sores. I came mighty close to succeeding, but then, maybe that's a failure worth having.

Hit the ground running when I got back. It's good to go away. It's good to come back. It's just good to be alive.

19th out of 734,000

Today I was reading Francis de Sales in Devotional Classics. It included his writings about being devout. More on that in a later post. While I was reading my mind began to wander and I said, I wonder what would happen if I google my name. Yes, so I did. And there I was number 19 out of 734,000 possible sites. Not that this is much to be happy about---wait, or is it. I feel like Navin (Steve Martin) in The Jerk, when he jumps for joy when he finds that his name is in the phone book, "Look! I'm a somebody. I'm a somebody!" Hilarious.

Well, back to reading about devotion.

Lynchings--to apologise or not, pt. 2

On Sunday evening I posted a few thoughts. It concerned several Senators not voting on proposed legislation to apologise for the lynching of negroes. I left a link to one of those senators, Thad Cochran, who is my former political leader. I have made several phone calls to his Jackson, Mississippi office and several to his D.C. office. I have left two messages to his administrative assistant in D.C. but have not heard back from Mr. Davis yet. I have no idea how busy he must be but I eagerly await the opportunity to understand this situation more. In honor of a more tempered frame of writing and at the exhortation of an anonymous friend I have edited the title of the post mentioned above until more of the story is told.

In a Mirror We See Darkly

I'm a person on a journey.

You know what I've found out lately--that there are a number of things that I don't understand. One of those is the profundity of this--that God is righteous, just, and yet remembers mercy. That's something that I've been learning about--mostly how I fall short.

Jonathan Edwards in his book Religous Affections talks about our affections (love, hate, desire, hope, fear)and how they are the "spring of action" that set us in motion. We all "do" things because we are moved beyond apathy and toward action. Our affections cause action. He mentions about nine affections: holy fear, hope, love, holy desire, joy, religious sorrow, gratitude, compassion and zeal. The questions arose--which have I felt the most and which one do I need to see growth?

I feel zeal the most. Edwards says, "It is spoken of as something which Christ had in mind for us when he paid for our redemption: 'Who have himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works' (Titus 2:14). It was also the essential thing missing from the lukewarm Laodiceans (Revelation 3:15-16)." It is okay to be zealous, but for the right things.

Which do I need the most? Hope. Why hope? Because I am a champion idealist. If there is no hard evidence of change or possible change then cynicism can creep in. But with hope comes margins. Margins? Yeah, margins for allowing God to work beyond my own human limitations. Hope is our helmet and our anchor (1 Thessalonians 5:8; Hebrews 6:19). With this comes compassion/mercy. If I show mercy I will be given it (Matthew 5:7).

So, I'm a person on a journey. A journey into my own messes and my own growth.

The World is Shrinking and I'm Happy

One of the great things about our world shrinking and becoming a global neighborhood is that so much information is shared by so many people. Yesterday Larry Martin from International Justice Mission (see the link to in the margin to the right)spoke and gave a stirring message of being rescuers of those who are in peril. Robert has written a very good summary of it.

There were several things that encouraged me yesterday. First of all, our little church in Corte Madera, CA is growing deeper in our thirst and hunger for just causes. This has been a dream of mine and the center of a lot of prayers. For so long I have longed to be a part of a believing community that is actively engaged in community issues. I've been doing a good bit of reading, thinking, writing and praying about this. God is shaping me, for what I do not know, but I do know that it's really moving me to walk closer with God.

Secondly, there were people from San Jose and Los Angeles who came up to here Larry speak. It's good to see people my age saying, "Jason, I'm just trying to find what God wants me to do." On guy was interested in building a clean water supply system for developing countries. Two others were interested in helping stop sex traffiking in southeast Asia. National Geographic reported that about 27 million people (10% of the poplulation of the United States) are in illegal bondage around the world.

Thirdly, as I see others who are stirred beyond the seduction and anesthesia of apathy, it encourages me not to slow down, but to read voraciously about such topics and to do small things that, in the long run, make a difference.

To stop now in despair--that would be foolhearted--to stop now of fear--that would be faithless--to not go silently--that would only be fair.

Lynchings--to apologise or not, pt. 1

It all started on a lazy Saturday evening. We had just finished transplanting lavendar to the front yard and I had just eaten dinner. I flipped through the channels and I saw Book-tv on C-SPAN. The book was the autobiography of Medgar Evers. It is based upon his letters during his civil rights work. His wife spoke briefly in front of this small crowd in Karibu Bookstores in Maryland. On one of her tangents she mentioned that recently the Senate had voted to apologise for the lynchings of negroes and not inacting and enforcing anti-lynching legislation. Actually, the House of Represenative had written and passed anti-lynching measures but the Senate filibustered it all but three times.

Oh, that's not all. Several Senators refused to abstain from the vote, one of my own former political leaders, Thad Cochran of Mississippi. I've called his office and left a message. How could this be? How is this explainable? I cannot tell you how heart broken I am over this; I am almost sick to my stomach.

If you'd like to check some of this information out, click here. I know that it is easy to pick on the source and question their political bias, but the issue at hand is not the link above or the links in the margin, but whether or not it is true. And if it is true what do we do about it?

Oscar Romero

It's quite interesting how life turns sometimes. A few weeks ago two friends from Fresno were talking to Barb and I about Oscar Romero and needing to watch a movie about his life. Today as I was in the city I talked with a friend and he gave me this print that he took of a mural in the Mission district in the city. I went down myself and checked out this alley that was all murals dedicated to the heart of the Hispanic community in the area. Very powerful. The soul of the people was put to color and I think a lot of it has seeped into my mine.
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Idealism not Idle-ism

When I took a personality and temperment quiz when I was in collge I was amazed at how accurate and telling the test was. It was comforting to know that I must've done something right because the computer screen was telling me true things about myself. The information before me nailed it--I'm a champion idealist.

My short summary of that is that things either look really good in the past or in the future; it's the here and now that I have trouble with. I'm always antsy to go to the next level; to do more; to not be satisfied with the status quo or with any status, for a matter of fact. It has its ups and its downs. One cannot go through life with just total idealism and at the same time when one is a realist life can be a cyclical system of cyniscism.

I guess this helps explain why I love the prophets of the Old Testament. Not necessarily because Nehemiah pulled the hair of the men.
Ouch! In college I was able to study the book of Amos, which Martin Luther King Jr. sited several times in his I Have a Dream speech. In seminary I wrote a paper on the social gospel movement and compared and contrasted Walter Rauschenbusch, King, and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. That was one of my favorite papers.

I'm trying to crawl and claw my way up this steep learning curve about how to be a true Jesus follower and seek justice and equity. It seems that many Christians see the "gospel" as not being campatible with the "social gospel." However, what is driving me forward is the fact that our spiritual lives should have a social consequence. In light of this I've added "People of Interest" to the sidebar. I'll add more later.

The Advent of Adam Joshua

Sometimes things have to lay fallow and this blog has definitely done that. My apologies for all of you avid readers of August Burning. In all honesty I was busy.

It wasn't my first time to see Adam Joshua. Nope, I was there and saw him when he was about 10 minutes old. Wow, I will never forget that. Robert and Mandy are good friends. So very happy for them.

Well, Robert shamed me yesterday for not blogging. I usually only write when I'm in a bad mood. I guess it is because I go and write to get my thoughts out. So, I've not been in a bad mood as of late. A lot of good things are happening. Maybe this blog will show it soon.

Hold Fast to Dreams

In just a few minutes I will be standng up to deliver what I feel is God's message to Hillside Church. I am nervous, sleepy and happy. I will be speaking about revelation and how when God speaks to us it is guide us and to help us. We need an overwhelming revelation from God, a vision and a dream that is spirit-inspired and spirit-directed. Langston Hughes' poem, Dreams, is a powerful and simple insight into it:

Hold fast to dreams
for if dreams die
life is a broken-winged bird
that cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
fro when dreams go
life is a barren field
frozen with snow.

Nietzsche Was Right

In just a few hours Barb and I will take a much anticipated break. We will pack up and pick up and point the headlights toward Santa Cruz. We are staying in the hills close to Pescadero and will spend ample time in Santa Cruz and our favorite small town in this area, Pacific Grove.

It's been a while since we've done something like this. Usually our vacations are spent visiting family. Those trips are always good and satisfying, but this time it is just us. Santa Cruz is where one of our first dates was. Carmel and Pacific Grove is where we stayed for our six month "anniversary."

As I was putting together a cd mix for the trip I got to thinking about how so many important things have happened to me since moving here to NorCal. I attained a Master's Degree and worked three jobs during that time, one of them a life changing experience--an aide in a special education classroom with Erin, Roxanne, Barbara and Katie. I met and married Barb. Lived in the city. I have made so many great friends, several of whom are now living all around the globe. Although Mississippi is "home," in that it is where my roots are, this feels "home" to me.

It was hot last night and because we don't have ac I couldn't sleep. So at about midnight last night I stepped out in the backyard and looked at the Corte Madera flatlands, the apartments at Greenbrae and westward toward Mnt. Tamalpais and was irrevokably struck with what has occured.

Nietzsche was right, the greatest thing in heaven and hell is a long obedience in the same direction. He said that this long obedience results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living.

Sorrow Falls Like the Silent Snow

In 1934 Conrad Aiken wrote, Silent Snow, Secret Snow." That has influenced my thoughts that are below.

I remember waking up one winter's morning. My eyes were blurry and there was a new crispness to the air, even the atmosphere of my bedroom. I heard the door crack open and Mom say, "No school; it's snowing."

In one night the snow came silently and secretly, alarming no one as they slept. It was expected but it still came as a surprise. A brand new, thick blanket covering the world I had seen the day before; everything had changed.

Sorrow falls like that silent snow.

Last Saturday I found out that a classmate of mine from 1st to 12th grade died of stomach cancer recently. Tracy was 28. It has caused me to reflect. To reflect upon the stupidity of youth and the reality of our existence. Of course I could go into my regrets about school and what I could've to Tracy and how I could've been a better friend, but that would be really narcisistic. It's not about me or my feelings. It is about Tracy and her life. Her smile. Her friendliness. Her family and the one's she loved who are left to mourn.

Hitch hiking and symbols

Off to see Hitchiker's Guide. Man, I could've used that years ago.

Things are busy but paced around here on the hillside these days. I spoke last Sunday and am speaking this Sunday. Last week I spoke on symbolism in worship. Symbolism is so powerful, yet we Protestants use so little of it. The first reformers threw everything out with the bath water. The truth the object symbolizes is more powerful than the object itself. Symbols are no good unless they are interpreted. So for those from a Catholic background the mass remained mysterious. The meaning of the images or the motions or the candles were not described and the language of the mass was uninterpreted. The search for meaning was thwarted by lack of translation.

Jesus said that we should live in such a way that others see our lives and honor our Father in heaven. He also said, "by this all will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." It seems that Jesus said and is still saying today that you and I worship leaders. You and I are icons, not in that flamboyant way, but symbols for worship.

To tell you the truth, that makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to lead anyone astray. I don't want anyone to stumble over me because the truth is that the cross itself is enough of a stumbling block already. Anyway, I'll fill you in on the coming Sunday's message as we ask and think about, "What is God up to?"

Jason's Inferno

I'm reading Dante's Inferno right now. It's in a modern translation, so I actually now what the heck is going on. It comes with contemporary illustrations like Los Angeles and San Francisco being the backdrop for some of the carnage with corrupted fastfood signage and garbage all over the place. It's quite fascinating. I love having a 700 year old classic at my disposal. The author took all the leg work out of understanding it. Now I know how some KJV protagonist feel. But that is really not the point of my story.

I've been thinking: Dante layers hell in various degrees. I wonder what mine would look like. Well, today I think that hell would basically consist primarily of having to create a multimedia presentation with moving images and jpegs using only Microsoft Movie Maker. It is the bain of my existence right now. And from the discussion boards online, I'd say it is hell on earth for many others. Luckily Barb's Ipod is nearby. I foresee a day when I am no longer on this cracking platform called Windows.

That's my rant. I think the Ibook's booted up. A way out of purgatory has come! Take me to the pleasant gates of music and video. I love thee, Ipod. Never shall I waste time on "the other."