VBS--Very Busy Schedule

This week is a great week thus far. I've been pushed beyond my relational comfort zones and limitations. My physical endurance has been tested and though at times it has been bent it has not been broken. My ability to run off of the raw processed bi-product of cane plants has been met with pit bull determination. I have run, I have walked, I have built things with my own hands, I have learned sign language, I have been gifted with a great leadership position with a great group of guys. We have come up with slogans to improve group morale and have traveled the far and remote places of the Serengeti.

This week I am a crew leader in Vacation Bible School and it's only Tuesday.

A Special Word

Hey, thanks to Terrance for pushing me Sunday because I had yet to tell him I had a blog.

Thanks to Robin for letting mine be the first blog she's read.

Thanks to Bev for coming into town with Lilly and Conrad.

And thank you Mom. I love you so much and wish I could give you a huge birthday hug and kiss your forehead. You're a great momma, great cook, hard worker and great friend. I love you. Happy birthday.

Ten Years Already?

Well, this weekend is my ten year high school reunion. Hard to believe that it's been a decade already. Sadly I will be in absentia from the ceremonies. I had already bought tickets to visit my family and the reunion was schedule for after I came back. I'll miss the group.

They put up with a lot of immaturity from me way back when. I'm grateful for that and am surprised that I was not banned from the reunion roster. Viva la graciousness!!!!!

The ten days in Mississippi went really well. Yes, it was hot--four days over 100 degrees. The heat was drippin' from the trees. I saw the nieces and nephew, played basketball, ate bbq, hung out with my little sis and my bigger bros. All in all it was a fine to do. My stated goal before going was to rest so much that I would get bed sores. I came mighty close to succeeding, but then, maybe that's a failure worth having.

Hit the ground running when I got back. It's good to go away. It's good to come back. It's just good to be alive.

19th out of 734,000

Today I was reading Francis de Sales in Devotional Classics. It included his writings about being devout. More on that in a later post. While I was reading my mind began to wander and I said, I wonder what would happen if I google my name. Yes, so I did. And there I was number 19 out of 734,000 possible sites. Not that this is much to be happy about---wait, or is it. I feel like Navin (Steve Martin) in The Jerk, when he jumps for joy when he finds that his name is in the phone book, "Look! I'm a somebody. I'm a somebody!" Hilarious.

Well, back to reading about devotion.

Lynchings--to apologise or not, pt. 2

On Sunday evening I posted a few thoughts. It concerned several Senators not voting on proposed legislation to apologise for the lynching of negroes. I left a link to one of those senators, Thad Cochran, who is my former political leader. I have made several phone calls to his Jackson, Mississippi office and several to his D.C. office. I have left two messages to his administrative assistant in D.C. but have not heard back from Mr. Davis yet. I have no idea how busy he must be but I eagerly await the opportunity to understand this situation more. In honor of a more tempered frame of writing and at the exhortation of an anonymous friend I have edited the title of the post mentioned above until more of the story is told.

In a Mirror We See Darkly

I'm a person on a journey.

You know what I've found out lately--that there are a number of things that I don't understand. One of those is the profundity of this--that God is righteous, just, and yet remembers mercy. That's something that I've been learning about--mostly how I fall short.

Jonathan Edwards in his book Religous Affections talks about our affections (love, hate, desire, hope, fear)and how they are the "spring of action" that set us in motion. We all "do" things because we are moved beyond apathy and toward action. Our affections cause action. He mentions about nine affections: holy fear, hope, love, holy desire, joy, religious sorrow, gratitude, compassion and zeal. The questions arose--which have I felt the most and which one do I need to see growth?

I feel zeal the most. Edwards says, "It is spoken of as something which Christ had in mind for us when he paid for our redemption: 'Who have himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works' (Titus 2:14). It was also the essential thing missing from the lukewarm Laodiceans (Revelation 3:15-16)." It is okay to be zealous, but for the right things.

Which do I need the most? Hope. Why hope? Because I am a champion idealist. If there is no hard evidence of change or possible change then cynicism can creep in. But with hope comes margins. Margins? Yeah, margins for allowing God to work beyond my own human limitations. Hope is our helmet and our anchor (1 Thessalonians 5:8; Hebrews 6:19). With this comes compassion/mercy. If I show mercy I will be given it (Matthew 5:7).

So, I'm a person on a journey. A journey into my own messes and my own growth.

The World is Shrinking and I'm Happy

One of the great things about our world shrinking and becoming a global neighborhood is that so much information is shared by so many people. Yesterday Larry Martin from International Justice Mission (see the link to in the margin to the right)spoke and gave a stirring message of being rescuers of those who are in peril. Robert has written a very good summary of it.

There were several things that encouraged me yesterday. First of all, our little church in Corte Madera, CA is growing deeper in our thirst and hunger for just causes. This has been a dream of mine and the center of a lot of prayers. For so long I have longed to be a part of a believing community that is actively engaged in community issues. I've been doing a good bit of reading, thinking, writing and praying about this. God is shaping me, for what I do not know, but I do know that it's really moving me to walk closer with God.

Secondly, there were people from San Jose and Los Angeles who came up to here Larry speak. It's good to see people my age saying, "Jason, I'm just trying to find what God wants me to do." On guy was interested in building a clean water supply system for developing countries. Two others were interested in helping stop sex traffiking in southeast Asia. National Geographic reported that about 27 million people (10% of the poplulation of the United States) are in illegal bondage around the world.

Thirdly, as I see others who are stirred beyond the seduction and anesthesia of apathy, it encourages me not to slow down, but to read voraciously about such topics and to do small things that, in the long run, make a difference.

To stop now in despair--that would be foolhearted--to stop now of fear--that would be faithless--to not go silently--that would only be fair.

Lynchings--to apologise or not, pt. 1

It all started on a lazy Saturday evening. We had just finished transplanting lavendar to the front yard and I had just eaten dinner. I flipped through the channels and I saw Book-tv on C-SPAN. The book was the autobiography of Medgar Evers. It is based upon his letters during his civil rights work. His wife spoke briefly in front of this small crowd in Karibu Bookstores in Maryland. On one of her tangents she mentioned that recently the Senate had voted to apologise for the lynchings of negroes and not inacting and enforcing anti-lynching legislation. Actually, the House of Represenative had written and passed anti-lynching measures but the Senate filibustered it all but three times.

Oh, that's not all. Several Senators refused to abstain from the vote, one of my own former political leaders, Thad Cochran of Mississippi. I've called his office and left a message. How could this be? How is this explainable? I cannot tell you how heart broken I am over this; I am almost sick to my stomach.

If you'd like to check some of this information out, click here. I know that it is easy to pick on the source and question their political bias, but the issue at hand is not the link above or the links in the margin, but whether or not it is true. And if it is true what do we do about it?

Oscar Romero

It's quite interesting how life turns sometimes. A few weeks ago two friends from Fresno were talking to Barb and I about Oscar Romero and needing to watch a movie about his life. Today as I was in the city I talked with a friend and he gave me this print that he took of a mural in the Mission district in the city. I went down myself and checked out this alley that was all murals dedicated to the heart of the Hispanic community in the area. Very powerful. The soul of the people was put to color and I think a lot of it has seeped into my mine.
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Idealism not Idle-ism

When I took a personality and temperment quiz when I was in collge I was amazed at how accurate and telling the test was. It was comforting to know that I must've done something right because the computer screen was telling me true things about myself. The information before me nailed it--I'm a champion idealist.

My short summary of that is that things either look really good in the past or in the future; it's the here and now that I have trouble with. I'm always antsy to go to the next level; to do more; to not be satisfied with the status quo or with any status, for a matter of fact. It has its ups and its downs. One cannot go through life with just total idealism and at the same time when one is a realist life can be a cyclical system of cyniscism.

I guess this helps explain why I love the prophets of the Old Testament. Not necessarily because Nehemiah pulled the hair of the men.
Ouch! In college I was able to study the book of Amos, which Martin Luther King Jr. sited several times in his I Have a Dream speech. In seminary I wrote a paper on the social gospel movement and compared and contrasted Walter Rauschenbusch, King, and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. That was one of my favorite papers.

I'm trying to crawl and claw my way up this steep learning curve about how to be a true Jesus follower and seek justice and equity. It seems that many Christians see the "gospel" as not being campatible with the "social gospel." However, what is driving me forward is the fact that our spiritual lives should have a social consequence. In light of this I've added "People of Interest" to the sidebar. I'll add more later.

The Advent of Adam Joshua

Sometimes things have to lay fallow and this blog has definitely done that. My apologies for all of you avid readers of August Burning. In all honesty I was busy.

It wasn't my first time to see Adam Joshua. Nope, I was there and saw him when he was about 10 minutes old. Wow, I will never forget that. Robert and Mandy are good friends. So very happy for them.

Well, Robert shamed me yesterday for not blogging. I usually only write when I'm in a bad mood. I guess it is because I go and write to get my thoughts out. So, I've not been in a bad mood as of late. A lot of good things are happening. Maybe this blog will show it soon.

Hold Fast to Dreams

In just a few minutes I will be standng up to deliver what I feel is God's message to Hillside Church. I am nervous, sleepy and happy. I will be speaking about revelation and how when God speaks to us it is guide us and to help us. We need an overwhelming revelation from God, a vision and a dream that is spirit-inspired and spirit-directed. Langston Hughes' poem, Dreams, is a powerful and simple insight into it:

Hold fast to dreams
for if dreams die
life is a broken-winged bird
that cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
fro when dreams go
life is a barren field
frozen with snow.

Nietzsche Was Right

In just a few hours Barb and I will take a much anticipated break. We will pack up and pick up and point the headlights toward Santa Cruz. We are staying in the hills close to Pescadero and will spend ample time in Santa Cruz and our favorite small town in this area, Pacific Grove.

It's been a while since we've done something like this. Usually our vacations are spent visiting family. Those trips are always good and satisfying, but this time it is just us. Santa Cruz is where one of our first dates was. Carmel and Pacific Grove is where we stayed for our six month "anniversary."

As I was putting together a cd mix for the trip I got to thinking about how so many important things have happened to me since moving here to NorCal. I attained a Master's Degree and worked three jobs during that time, one of them a life changing experience--an aide in a special education classroom with Erin, Roxanne, Barbara and Katie. I met and married Barb. Lived in the city. I have made so many great friends, several of whom are now living all around the globe. Although Mississippi is "home," in that it is where my roots are, this feels "home" to me.

It was hot last night and because we don't have ac I couldn't sleep. So at about midnight last night I stepped out in the backyard and looked at the Corte Madera flatlands, the apartments at Greenbrae and westward toward Mnt. Tamalpais and was irrevokably struck with what has occured.

Nietzsche was right, the greatest thing in heaven and hell is a long obedience in the same direction. He said that this long obedience results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living.

Sorrow Falls Like the Silent Snow

In 1934 Conrad Aiken wrote, Silent Snow, Secret Snow." That has influenced my thoughts that are below.

I remember waking up one winter's morning. My eyes were blurry and there was a new crispness to the air, even the atmosphere of my bedroom. I heard the door crack open and Mom say, "No school; it's snowing."

In one night the snow came silently and secretly, alarming no one as they slept. It was expected but it still came as a surprise. A brand new, thick blanket covering the world I had seen the day before; everything had changed.

Sorrow falls like that silent snow.

Last Saturday I found out that a classmate of mine from 1st to 12th grade died of stomach cancer recently. Tracy was 28. It has caused me to reflect. To reflect upon the stupidity of youth and the reality of our existence. Of course I could go into my regrets about school and what I could've to Tracy and how I could've been a better friend, but that would be really narcisistic. It's not about me or my feelings. It is about Tracy and her life. Her smile. Her friendliness. Her family and the one's she loved who are left to mourn.

Hitch hiking and symbols

Off to see Hitchiker's Guide. Man, I could've used that years ago.

Things are busy but paced around here on the hillside these days. I spoke last Sunday and am speaking this Sunday. Last week I spoke on symbolism in worship. Symbolism is so powerful, yet we Protestants use so little of it. The first reformers threw everything out with the bath water. The truth the object symbolizes is more powerful than the object itself. Symbols are no good unless they are interpreted. So for those from a Catholic background the mass remained mysterious. The meaning of the images or the motions or the candles were not described and the language of the mass was uninterpreted. The search for meaning was thwarted by lack of translation.

Jesus said that we should live in such a way that others see our lives and honor our Father in heaven. He also said, "by this all will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." It seems that Jesus said and is still saying today that you and I worship leaders. You and I are icons, not in that flamboyant way, but symbols for worship.

To tell you the truth, that makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to lead anyone astray. I don't want anyone to stumble over me because the truth is that the cross itself is enough of a stumbling block already. Anyway, I'll fill you in on the coming Sunday's message as we ask and think about, "What is God up to?"

Jason's Inferno

I'm reading Dante's Inferno right now. It's in a modern translation, so I actually now what the heck is going on. It comes with contemporary illustrations like Los Angeles and San Francisco being the backdrop for some of the carnage with corrupted fastfood signage and garbage all over the place. It's quite fascinating. I love having a 700 year old classic at my disposal. The author took all the leg work out of understanding it. Now I know how some KJV protagonist feel. But that is really not the point of my story.

I've been thinking: Dante layers hell in various degrees. I wonder what mine would look like. Well, today I think that hell would basically consist primarily of having to create a multimedia presentation with moving images and jpegs using only Microsoft Movie Maker. It is the bain of my existence right now. And from the discussion boards online, I'd say it is hell on earth for many others. Luckily Barb's Ipod is nearby. I foresee a day when I am no longer on this cracking platform called Windows.

That's my rant. I think the Ibook's booted up. A way out of purgatory has come! Take me to the pleasant gates of music and video. I love thee, Ipod. Never shall I waste time on "the other."

Near Perfect Pinnacles of Ignorance

That's what Donald "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" Rumsfeld said this week about those in a whisper campaign building up anxiety that the United States would reconstitute the draft. Though I have beef with Rumsfeld on a few of his ideas I must say that his phrases which is the title of this blog pertains to so much of what I'm living through right now.

How is it that I have been a Jesus follower for several years now, have taken college and graduate level courses dealing with Scripture, church polity, leadership and the like and yet know so little? I know that I've heard the answer to that be, "Well, that actually shows your wisdom because you realize what you don't know." I appreciate the intention of that but that doesn't help me sleep much at night anymore.

I have been overwhelmed with the diminuitive amount that I know toward leadership and shepherding a group of people toward maturity in our faith. Man alive, I am realizing so much these days that it is mind boggling. I have long been afraid of leading a group through subversive tactics or in a way that would impact them negatively to the point that for several years I put myself in situations that were safe. There was no danger. There was no risk. I just had to show up. Nothing ventured but nothing gained.

Now I have been providentially placed in positions where I am the leader. Sometimes I am frightened. Sometimes I am confident, not because I am self-sufficient but because there has been affirmation from God in/to my spirit. Thing is also this: I never really learned how to keep healthy relationships healthy. I never learned practical steps of admonition, confronting and sticking to relationships. I have this bad habit of "just forgetting" offenses. Someone will say something and I will talk myself into thinking that they meant it in a way that would not be of any concern to me. I lie to myself a lot.

The pattern is this: their spoken word, a feeling in my gut that I supress and then a few days or weeks later I will say to myself, "That really upset me when they said that. I should've said something." The truth is that sometimes those thoughts just don't/can't come to you right at the moment. I'm a slow processer from facts to feelings. I'm learning how to have that stuff going on and yet still have my faith strong.

I am really tempted to finish this with Bible verses and a flury of fantastic quotes pertaining to this, or a quote from the ever wise Oswald, but I will just leave it at that, because I think we all know what the Bible says about some/most of what I've mentioned. I should just concentrate on the application of it.

Imagination Migration

Charlie Brown or Snoopy was right, a good book is a good friend. So I must commend my companions of late: Scripture and The Shaping of Things to Come.

I've been reading through Jeremiah, that afflicted prophet and child of God who expresses so much of what we really feel and think about God if we were reflective upon ourselves. I could follow that vein for a while but a short little chunk got my wheels going today, "Even the stork in the sky knows her appointed seasons, and the dove, the swift and the thrush observe the time of their migration. But my people do not know the requirements of the LORD" (8:7).I was imagining scenes from that great indie film Winged Migration. Those seemingly brainless but beautiful creatures know intuitively their appointed season of migrating, their time of returning. So, there is a time the people of God should migrate/return to God. We have a nickname for that: "repentance." The context of 8:7 speaks more, so I will let you have the joy of studying that.

And my ole fav, Douglas Coupland, (author of Life After God, The Shampoo Planet: Tales for an Accelerated Culture) showed up in The Shaping today. Douglas has a powerful knack of bringing melancholy and mood into his writings, especially toward the feeling that one gets when they consider the landscape within the soul of a Generation Xer. In his book, Generation X (London: Abacus, 1991), he wrote the following about the middleclass malaise:

"You see, when you're middle class, you have to live with the fact that history will ignore you. You have to live with the fact that history can never champion your causes and that history will never feel sorry for you. It is the price that is paid for day-to-day comfort and silence. And because of this price, all happinesses are sterile; all sadnesses go unpitied."

The middle class is on a precarious perch betwixt two worlds: affluence and poverty. The middle class has the ability to change the world and influence both the powerful and the forgotten but comfort, pride and fear has conquered the middle class. The middle class adopts a lifestyle that is beyond their own means and struggles to find any meaning that exists beyond a lifestyle.

And so it is.

The Fervor of One Drowning

Holy cow, it's been a while since I've returned to the blogosphere. There are many reasons for this: Holy Week demanded all my attention the three weeks prior; my body and mind crashed the week following; usually creativity comes a day or two after taking a day off.

Things are going well. Barb is in the midst of putting a portfolio together and having job interviews. She is a hard worker, loves students and loves art. There is much more to her than that, but that's a good start.

Matches is getting more "pitty." She loves to hike and to chase ducks. She is learning the repercussions of eating someone's underwear: about 3 days of pain and then the passing of "Hello Kitty."

Me? I'm doing well also. I'm getting off the juice: no, not like Balco Barry, but caffeine. I was becoming too dependent upon it. I was also becoming a poor decision maker about food--really, portion as oppossed to the kind of food. Actually, I had made a trip or three to McDonalds. That's what happens when I get stressed. It's comfort food. There's some childhood reason for that, I'm sure.

Holy Week was unbelievably good here at Hillside. We did a mixed-media Good Friday, blending ancient liturgy with technology. It was very moving for some. Saturday night we held a Holy Saturday time during H20. We had meditation stations set up. Sunday morning we had a great time of celebration.

Very few times have I really sensed the presence of the Spirit like that week. My personal worship was good and it really helped me through the hectic nature of the week and weeks leading up to that. However, I'm trying to be more consistent and trying to live to the fullest, like the fervor of one drowning.

Here she is in that inquisitive stance. She's a cutie and loves to exercise.....perhaps more than I do. Wait, especially more than I do. Anyway, just had to post this to give a friendly face to that cool name.
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