That Which Happened Once

She twists and turns away from me and her shadow shifts from my arm to the hallway floor. Down the staircase goes my love and down into my gut goes my heart. The heels on the floor and the hand on the brass nob are the rhythm of a world suffocating. Years together couldn't prepare me for the first night alone.

I step past the full and tilted coat rack and stand shivering on the front step listening to the pattering of the drops of rain. Around me the front light casts a weak and dirty yellow aura and she steps beyond the half-life of all that we've ever known. She disappears and reappears under every street light with silver ribbons of rain falling around her. And me; I stand.

Why am I still here? Is part of it surrender, of letting go of the heart of clay or the kite of childhood? Is it my pride? I find my heart and mind are ill-equipped for all of this and I step back closer to the portal. Am I so prideful to try to hold onto something spiraling away from me or am I too ignorant and deficient to break free beyond indecision and expereince and to run after her? To catch her by the hips and to face my love and my fear in the eys . . . .


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And when all the people saw it, they also praised God

"Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

That was the cry of a blind beggar named Bartimaeus. His days were filled with wondering and begging. He sat on the road side hearing the gravel crunch under the feet of the passers-by and what is it in the distance? A group, a clan? He asked them, "What's going on? What's happening?"

Jesus is passing by.

He apparently knew of Jesus and his reputation for changing lives and life styles and so he starts screaming, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

Within the entourage there were those who told him to keep his mouth shut, but he refused to go silently and to remain in the darkness.

Jesus was indeed passing by, but Jesus also stopped.

"What is it that you want me to do for you?"

"Lord, I want to see."

"Then receive your sight, your faith has healed you."

After having received his sight he followed Jesus and along the way praised him. When all those within the entourage saw it they also praised God too.

"Lord, I want to experience the antithesis of all my weaknesses and all my failings. I want to know steadfastness, boldness, consistent love and compassion. There are many who desire me to shut my mouth, but I have heard of you before and I know that you will not leave me the way that you have found me. I just want to see and by asking to see I am saying I believe, so I will follow and praise you, though sight unseen."

Luke 18:35-43

Jesus said that a person's life consists of more than what belongs to them. It's easy to get caught staring through the looking glass thinking, if I was found in there I would be among the living. Yet, I'm hidden within my own pile of "stuff."
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dark chocolate, red wine, and stairwell conversations

Before I moved out to California in August of 99 to study theology at a seminary just north of San Francisco a friend came up to me one day and said, "Jason, my prayer for you is that God will put you around revolutionary people." Funny, at that time I was also praying for the people I would meet, the friends I'd gel with and whatever else that was of concern to me. . . .

Last night my friend, Stacey, had a birthday party. She's 30 and is one of the most passionate, stirring, and genuine person I know. We had red wine and chocolate in this shared house on 23rd and Lake in the city, just off of Park Presidio. After an hour or so of mingling and so-whatcha-up-to-these-days we all (about 25 of us) gathered for worship. Pablo played guitar, Elijah keyboard and Brian djembe. I looked around the room at one point and here were over twenty of the greatest people in the world. People who had done service in work in Africa with people with AIDS. Some are involved with community development, mentoring, and changing the city in which they live. Most are artists who have a vivacious passion to excel in their personhood and how God created them. About ten to fifteen within that worship gathering had spent some time outside of the States doing some kind of work that was intented to bring relief, understanding, prayer, and good news to the visited people.

At the end of that last paragraph I was going to put, "Revolutionary indeed." However, after some thought I realize that that is what life is about--reaching out beyond ourselves, coming to terms with how God created us (strengths and all) and then excelling in letting that glory, that original glory be known to the world. So, I guess what I'm getting at is this: being revolutionary might really mean that we just need to be ourselves and by being ourselves we are subversive.

Peace be unto you,
Jason

One of the greatest people to influence my life is Barb. I'm very blessed to have a partner who is on a genuine pursuit toward Christ. She is a personification of forgiveness and unconditional love and models Jesus to me.
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Emerging Me

After speaking with a close friend of mine, Robert, I decided that I needed to start a blog, to publish my thoughts and interact with others who are trying to live out what it means to be a person of good news. I am currently reading The Shaping of Things to Come by Michael Frost and Alan Hirsch. I hope to capture some of my thoughts as I read through this book and see if I can add some points of reference for my life. So this is the beginning....