20 days to think of this

What is it inside of me that compels me to get out of bed every morning to face a day of daring and/or boring decisions? To get out and to feel the breeze on my face or to see the needles on the ground or to hear the noise of impatient drivers? What is it that sits down and even cares to blog this or any of my thoughts? What is it that made me reach out for help in conventional ways when I was contemplating suicide?

I don't know, or maybe, I do know but at this time it seems a bit too complex to type out a formulaic expression. Perhaps in the upcoming installments I will seek to peck it out on this keyboard.

A quick question or three: have you ever been listening to a song and the certain way the guitar clangs or strums or how the cymbals fade out in the midnight of the ear and you have this inexpressible emotion that makes you want to cry or to wail to scream or to write a magnum opus yourself? Have you ever been reading a book and the book is a bore up to a certain point but then you read a quote and the quote screws itself tightly into your head to where the quote itself constitutes the book and all of the sudden the book is no longer a bore? Have you ever been in a church "service" and during the sermon you drift off and you find yourself moved beyond the every day and start chasing those new thoughts that bring surprise and joy and although the thoughts did not come from the sermon or sermon-giver you know that they were from God? Me too.