The Day I Grew 1/4 of an Inch

It would be anticlimatic if I said, "The day I grew 1/4 of an inch was last Thursday," so I will say more. I've been having numerous physical ailments from a perpetually inflamed achilles and knee on my left leg to muscles spasms all over. Well several weeks ago a friend said to me that he had went to a specialist, Amy Sable, in San Anselmo and that her help had made him realize some noteable success in his back/neck issues. He gifted me some visits to Amy, which to me is priceless.

So I went and filled out the form and then she measured my height. I was about 6' 3 3/4". In high school I was measured at 6' 4". So having shrunk was news to me. She then had me sit on my bum, straighten my legs out and try to reach toward my toes as far as I could. She measured me in a way that is too complicated to write for some reason. Anyway, she looked down at my fingertips and said, "Jason, I'm so glad you are here." Okay, so she then says roughly that I'm about 11 inches from an average person's reach. So, I'm less than average. My daily look in the mirror and memories of reports have told me as much.

She stretched me with the help of a machine with a pulley and such. I was expecting something more Adams Family; I was gladly disappointed. So for 1.5 hours she worked me over. She then measured me and I was a little over 6'4". Ah, and the best part was no growing pains.

Holy Week

So, it's sunny outside. Quite bright. It seems as if the earth has moved closer to that orb over tha past two months, which I guess, actually did happen. What did they call that? Oh, the axis.

The past weeks have been quite good. I've been reading through the Gospel of John and have really had some good study/devotional/prayer times while reading it. There are a lot of details that have been added to that story thanks to Earl Palmer's great but short book, "The Gospel John Wrote." He says so much with a third-world economy of words.

I recently met a man who is a church planting strategist. He's quite the fervent communicator. He is an ex-Marine who served in the Philipines during the 80's. While he was there, from what I understand, a nine-year-old girl came up to him and preached to him that Jesus was the only man that would ever end war. That moment has forever changed him. He began to follow Jesus. I was thinking of him today, mid-ways through Holy Week, and how he and his wife need some special prayers these days.

It's busy around here but things really can't get any better. Barb is healthy and happy and our relationship is totally rockin' right now. Perhaps it is the ballroom dancing classes we've been taking. Last night it was Salsa, the Swing, Foxtrot and general goofiness.

I hope that on the eve of Good Friday, that beautiful but scandolous night, that you since God's presence and pleasure. It was scandolous for him but has worked beauty for this world. May the deepest blessings from heaven be yours.

Jason

Landslide of Grace

No, I haven't been under a landslide lately, well, at least not the same as some residents a few miles away. It has been quite busy here lately. Living in two worlds is hard. I desire to finish well here in Marin and also need to get prepared for the work and life ahead in Memphis. Last night we conducted the Good Sense Budget Course. Some Hillsiders came up to me and were totally jazzed about our move (I think that's a good sign) and were asking a lot of questions. Questions beyond, "Isn't that where Elvis . . ." and more toward, "Why Memphis? What's the draw? Any good bbq there? What's a home cost?"

There's a lot of details I just don't have time to write but I'll make it as quick as possible, the phone's ringing.

Last July Barb and I went to visit my family in north Mississippi. One day we took a trip up to Memphis and hung out in Cooper-Young, a district in Midtown Memphis. We prayed and just asked some residents there what the area was like. We got a good vibe, I guess you could say. So we came back home (Marin County) and started praying and talking things out with Robert and Mandy. There was a lot of freedom to pursue this.

Last December we let the leadership of Hillside know, which was an important step. I wanted feedback from Prince and other leaders and believers who know me. We sent emails to our friends who had made similar moves and opened up a hugh dialogue. Barb and I prayed and fasted and really sought God's direction for us. We understood that it was big decision and had a lot of ramifications upon scores of people. We didn't want to leave the Bay Area prematurely and wanted to really discern what His desire was for us.

In early March we went to Memphis and spent some time with Robert and Mandy and saw my family for a few days. We all talked about it. We met with a pastor and a strategist for the Memphis area. It was quite a wake up call for me. The word from God was that it was going to be the hardest work I've ever done and that I'd have to trust Him in unbelievable (ironic wording) amounts. That moving and working in Memphis would be about things with eternal consequence.

Barb and I talked for hours each day and prayed. We prayed for very specific things and they were all answered in a way that pointed toward Memphis. That being said, let me tell you what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that I'm not sad about leaving our friends and the great things that God's doing around here. I'm not saying that Hillside is not important to me. I think about the people everyday. But what I am saying is that God has spoken and I feel compelled to pursue this dream while working with a team.

So these days are busy as we contemplate our first months there. We are all thinking about how to organize, reach out, serve one another and our community. We are getting in to the Scripture to really understand the nature and role of Christ in the church and what we as the church should do. It's beyond seminary--it's life.

So in a way as things have been saturated in prayer we have found ourselves covered in his knowledge, forebearance, patience and love.

Three Months Notice

This past Wednesday my resignation letter was published in the Hillside Newsletter. Today Prince made a public acknowledgement of it. I was greeted before and after each service today with hugs, affirmation, sadness and questions. The first line of my resignation went something like, "It is with bittersweet emotion that I write to inform you . . ." Let me talk about that for a moment.

I have always hungered and longed for a place of worship where there was great music, great teaching, great volunteers and a place where lives are changed. Three years ago I was asked to speak at Hillside as Prince was away on a reading break. Only a half of handful of people knew me. I was warmly received. I was asked back a few months later to speak three times. After that Prince said, "Why don't you and Barb just keep coming and let's see what happens." I really liked that. I had been of a sour church experience or two growing up, and even was part of a very sour experience just a few years before. I had lost my faith in the church, mostly in leadership. I had never really seen godly, humble, self-effacing leadership. I had seen authoritarian, jealous, possessive and not trusting. And it had gotten me into a world of hurt. I was happy to hear, "Let's just see what happens." Because in a way it was allowing me to settle in softly.

We were living in the city and commuting over to Hillside. It was worth it. Several people surrounded Barb and I and made us feel welcomed and wanted--an opposite experience we had while visiting a church in the city just prior to that. I was working a full-time job and two other part-time jobs at the time as Barb was working part-time and finishing her credential at SFSU. Prince approached me and said, "Hillside would like to buy some of your hours." That was a relief. God had begun to awaken my love for the church and more responsibilities were given to me. I can't say I hit very many out of the park, but I got a base hit or two.

Eventually I was asked to be full-time. It has been so rewarding. My giftings, which had laid dormant for a few years, were awakened and sharpened. It's great to be hired to do what you're wired to do. I have never felt unappreciated by the people, staff or council. I've had encouragement all the way and I have been surrounded by volunteers who have chosen to live beyond themselves. I have had phone calls, emails, and short conversations in the church and out in the community where people have just lavished upon Barb and I words of encouragement.

Anyway, there's more to be said. There is also the future posts about the calling to Memphis, to work that desperately needs to be done there, and the pursuit of creating a church where one can come and hear truth and hear it gracefully. There is also the pursuit of a dream that is happening with team, as Robert and Mandy have gone before us and have really laid some great foundations in contacts and getting to know the personality of Midtown Memphis, especially Cooper-Young. I'm extremely excited and energized for that work in Memphis. I truly believe that I would not be energized or equipped to plant this church with the team if I had not been at Hillside.

I look forward to the upcoming months of finishing well here at Hillside. I've got great teams all around who are ready to give these missional initiatives their all. Hope all is well with you.

Madness and a Red Moon Rising

What shall I write? Shall I write about how I think Earl Palmer's Commentary, The Book John Wrote, is shaping and reshaping my view of Jesus and the gospel according to John? I've heard his book on Revelation is a great read.

Shall I write to say that I'm still disappointed that Kevin Covais is still on American Idol? www.votefortheworst.com is supporting him. It's funny. Sad.

Shall I write to express my appreciation for the work that Jack Bauer has done once again in helping thwart plots against our country?

Shall I write to say that I just haven't been in a blogging mood as of late. I don't think it's because I'm not motivated. I think I'm putting on my winter fat. I'm hibernating.

Or shall I simply write a few quotes? Yes, I shall do that and do that well.

Elie Wiesel writes in Zalmen, or the Madness of God, when giving the response of the doctor, "I don't hear well when I'm shouted at."

In Zalmen, the Rabbi is arguing with his son-in-law, Alexey. Alexey, though Jewish, doesn't hold to the tradition and thinks the past is a burden, a dead wieght that stops the Rabbi from moving forward. The Rabbi responds, "...Alexey, I move forward--just like you and others like you--though a little more slowly. There are advantages to that. It enables me to look about me, to admire twilight as it draws closer, and also, with a little luck, to befriend others who like myself are looking for th source and know where it can be found no matter how inaccessible it seems."

And this quote from Red Moon Rising, by Pete Greig, "When we get our minds around the character of God prayer, devotion, and discipleship cease being techniques and become instinct."

Hope this was worth the pixel power.

The Constant Blogger

Last week Barb and I went to visit friends and family. It was a great visit and perhaps I will talk about that later on, but that is not the point of this post.

Did I ever tell you that I am on a government list that keeps track of me--when I fly and when I change anything with my flight? Did I tell you that at one time I had a beard that reached down to my chest and that an Indian Muslim thought that I was Muslim? Did I ever tell you that? Well, it seems like I've got some 'splain' to do.

A few years ago I grew my beard out and it was long and it was gorgeous. I cared for it with the finest conditioner and stroked it ponderously as I contemplated the deep things of life. It was a source of pride dripping in strands down my face. It also altered my appearance, well, that and my freshly scorn cranium. I looked, shall I say, beautifully different.

During that time Barb and I were in India. We haggled a rickshaw driver down enough for a ride across Delhi. At one point he asked me mover the high scream of his two-stroke engine, "You Muslim?" as he stroked his beard. His face wore a smile and something like hope, hope of meeting an American who believes in Allah. I responded, shaking my head, "Jesu baktah."

After India we visited my family in Mississippi. I was tan (rare occurance) and had the long beard. I was stopped by TSA when they were doing the random searches. I was pulled aside after the first metal detector and then I was pulled aside and searched at the gate when they were searching there also. This happened in multiple airports. After I shaved my beard I have no longer been stopped or pulled aside . . . until yesterday.

So, after I shaved (I think) I had visited my family and we had put our bags into the trunk of my dad's car. When TSA took the bags they swabbed it really nicely and questioned me. They said a ______ substance was found on my bags and that they had to search them. They then wrote my name down in this notebook. Now, if I was in a very playful mood I could talk more about the notebook (was it a notebook that the writer kept close by when he saw someone with striking features, such as my angular face?). So, I hypothesized all the way home, which was longer since my detaining allowed me to miss the flight.

Then it came to me--I bet Dad had bought some fertilizer for the lawn and had laid it in the trunk of the car. I put our bags in the trunk and BOOM!!! the residue made its way onto my bags. I don't think it was residue from my power bars or dried apricots. The ingredients in the fertilizer, which are sometimes used in explosives, set the machine off.

Well, yesterday I made a simple change (actually, Barb and I both made the change) and my ticket was flagged. I suppose it was because my name made it into that notebook. I took my shoes off as usual (what was that guy's name who tried to explode his shoes--I think I might hate him for that inconvenience) and the guy took my ticket and said, "I'm going to need you to step over here with me. Your ticket has an "s" on it here." So, I gather my self, take a look at Barb and smile (she's seen me pulled from line multiple times before). They baton me up and down, left and right. They look through my stuff and say, "You may go." And then I walk down the ramp to my gate sometimes perturbed and sometimes gaily. What are you going to do?

But as I reflect upon what I just wrote and what I've been reading and watching lately I have this to say--there are thousands, perhpas millions of people who have been marched in lines unjustly, have been interogated brutally, and have suffered the most grievious things imagineable as their loved ones watched on helplessly as tears dropped from their eyes and all hope fled. God help them.

I think it is interesting how a tone in a picture, a sunset, or even the countenance of a city can express one's mood and even impact it. I took this picture about six weeks ago when a friend of ours was visiting. This is one of the best views of the city. It's from "our side," Marin County. The financial district, Fisherman's Wharf, Alcatraz, Angel Island, Berkeley, Oakland and everything east is to the left. And to the right there is the always chilly north coast and the ocean with three thousand miles separating us and Hawaii.
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Donde Esta, Senor Blogger?

Perhaps many (optimistically speaking) of you have been clicking over to August Burning and asking, "Donde esta, Jason?" or simply, "Where is Jason? He hasn't posted much of late. Is he okay. Did he get lost? Did he move? Did he lose his keyboard? All of those are valid questions and I want to affirm that in you--it's always good to ask.

But no, I wasn't kidnapped or anything like that, but be sure that if I were kidnapped or adult-napped I would really miss blogging to you. You are some of the most faithful and sporadic readers I've ever had, and it's to you I am grateful.

The truth is, I haven't had much to say. I allowed my blog to lay fallow for a while as I simply thought and read. I've got much to say, but I simply can't type that quickly, but be sure, that if I could I would. Did I commit blogger homicide by laying fallow? Who knows. Nothing is certain in this world where even google stock goes down in price.

Since I blogged last I have made up a few rules for myself. These are not to be taken as a general rule for all mankind, but is simply for me.
1. I will never eat Thai food again, unless, of course I change my mind, but at the way it's been going, it will be years. Let's just say that Thai food has been like the proverbial "good man," I just couldn't keep it down.
2. I will never eat at Naan-N-Curry by Golden Gate Park or the one in the Tenderloin. On a recent day off I said, "I'm in the mood for Naan-N-Curry." Afterward I said to myself, "I must've been in the mood for lukewarm, greasy spoon, no service, half-eaten food on the floor, nasty water pitchers, thrown together like a nuke was falling kinda food."

And in the affirmative category I will right

1. When the power goes off during a storm I will start a fire in the fireplace and cook chili and say that it's the best dang chili ever cooked in a living room, which is what happened Sunday night.
2. I need to read what Steven Samples calls "supertexts." These are texts that are hundreds of years old and still hold our culture today. I'm not too into Plato or Socrates or the Aenid but I did go to Green Apple Books in the city on that medicore food mood day off and collected what I think are come classics. And this is where I need your help. . . .

What's in your top ten, or heck, if you don't have a top ten, what is in your list that you say, "One of the best 5 books I've read," or "I want to read this book."

I don't want any list that has like, "The Owner's Manual of my 1985 Thunderbird." I've already read that. It's dry and, and, and, well, oily.

Anyway, holla.

Robert and Mandy

Well, Robert and Manday and Adam are moving. The truck is packed and they will be headed westward later this week. It's been good working with Robert http://www.robertgrisham.blogspot.com. He's one of the best worship leaders I've been around. He is respected and loved by those he has worked with. Mandy herself made quite an impact at the elementary school she worked at for the past 5 years. She has reached out to the community and brought parents, teachers and students together for some really moving music programs. My prayer is for safety and rest and that the furniture and things makes it to their new place on time. God speed.

Architecture and Archaeology

Hmm, today I was viewing a dvd on leadership. It was good stuff. From time to time I do that over breakfast and into the late morning. It prevents me from watching the local morning news (we have basic cable), which really doesn't offer me more news that a cursory look at Yahoo!. Carson Pue, who ministers in Vancouver, B.C., spoke about the various phases of mentoring, which was captivating to me. I think it may have been him or the previous speaker who said that growing as a seeker and follower of Jesus is more like archaeology than architecture.

Now, Barb and I have a brand new friend, Amanda, who just moved into the area and got a job at an architecture firm. So, in fear of loosing this friendship over this simple post, I want to say up front that I am in no way downplaying the importance of architecture. Without architecture we'd have, according to the name, no archs. Archs seem very important. Doorways would be boring and perhaps we'd have no major fastfood chain that has a clown for its mascot. Nevertheless, let me go on to the next paragraph.

The truth, the brass tacks of faithing and living life with Jesus in mind, is not about putting on a nice exterior, of going modern, medieval or even postmodern. It's not covering a delapidated interior with a nice shell. Faithing, living and so forth is about going deep, not about building up, at least at the beginning. It's about discovering the heart, or what's under it all. I know I've built layer upon layer and later I discover that the core of that part of my life was not good. It's hard.

I know that as a leader, or growing leader, and really and bluntly, as a follower of Jesus, I cannot escape that. Jesus was obsessive about the crucial role that the heart plays in our life. He denigrated preconceived roles, rituals, religion and formula and went to the heart. He really wasn't shy about talking about what's underneath. One time he told a bunch of religious guys that on the outside the architecture was nice and white like marble, but just a few feet under that facade was filth.

So we dig it out--escavate it and bring it to the light. It's hard stuff but it's good stuff. Who really wants or needs to be carrying around bags and layers of filth? Who wants a landfill heart?

That's what I'm thinking about tonight.

The Luxurious Worth of Our Soul

Tomorrow we celebrate the life and work of Martin Luther King, Jr. Many have an appreciation for his work and life and for others who live lives of service. He was really good at painting a picture of the ideal, of stirring within your mind and heart a beautiful picture of what could be. His wife, Coretta, said about his, I Have a Dream, speech where he repeats the refrain, "I have a dream that one day . . .", "It was as if the kingdom of God came down, if only for a moment." He spoke of a desire for a new day to dawn.

This past summer Melba spoke about her experience of growing up in the segregated South and specifically Little Rock. It seems that there are always those who go before us, pave the way for others, who live hard lives so that others may have a better one. I believe there is a Chinese proverb that talks about how one generation plants a tree and the next rests in its shade.

Luckily, MLK, Jr. was not the first to care about the worth of a person, the dignity of a man or woman, or even the undeniable, priceless, even luxurious worth of our soul. His life and thought stemmed from what he had heard and learned about Jesus. At the Christmas weekend celebrations we sang a song that applies to these thoughts, O Holy Night.

The song talks about how the whole world, you and I, lay in our brokenness, longing for things to get better. That we ourselves are shackled by that brokenness, and that it makes us slaves and others seem like enemies. But there is good news, that, "It is the night of our dear Savior's birth," that upon his advent in world history, and, I think, our personal history, the soul feels it worth, that it is a new day. There is a thrill of hope all all the weary rejoice, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morning.

Perhaps today, even this very moment, can signify the rise of a new sun, the breaking in of a new day, a day of hope, a day of praise, a new day of purpose and worship.

Shall we pray.

Jesus, you did teach us to love one another
Your law is love and your gospel is peace
Chains you shall break, for the slave is our brother
And in your name, Jesus, all oppression shall cease
And sweet songs of joy and choruses of gratefulness we raise to you
For all taht is in us praises you and your name
Christ is the Lord,
So ever let us live beyond ourselves
In the name of Jesus, the Bright and Morning Star. Amen.

A Sign in Heaven, A Shirt Down Here

I don't know if there are any signs in heaven, like, "one way," "do not enter," "Ped X-Ing." But today I was thinking about that briefly, and I thought that there might be one sign, "No Perfect People Allowed." And then I thought, "It's quite ironic, that when we think we are perfect that's when we mess a lot of stuff up." It's usually when we are broken and humble and sense the depth of our God-need that we usually do okay.

Sadly, I think some churches have the wrong signs up, or that some Christians have the wrong t-shirts on (I'm speaking figuratively here and not in cotton-polyester terms). I've gone into my legalistic closet before and put on the nicest, "No Imperfect People Allowed" shirt that legalistic currency could buy. I've actually taught similar material before, I ashamedly say. I've even known some churches who have as their mantra, "No Perfect People Allowed," or at least that is what it seemed like to me, where they/we put burdens on people's shoulders that not even our forefathers could have carried. And those churhces wonder why no one comes. Nobody wants to be around a grump and a pessimissic person. Even in break rooms the teachers (I worked at an elementary school a few years back) could be having a great time, but one person could pull out their, "No Imperfect People Allowed" ruler and the place would get quiet and get empty thereafter.

I'm not saying that churches shouldn't teach the Law or hold to standards or anything like that. I'd be a fool and heretic if I did. However, I am saying that there should probably be, speaking in Betty Crocker terms, 2 parts grace for 1 part Law. Grace without law leads to license. Law without grace leads to legalism. Both are equally dangerous.

In Luke 7 Jesus didn't have the same t-shirt on as the other religious leaders. He forgave a woman with a questionable reputation and a dude named Simon (not his disciple, but the host) said, "If Jesus was a Prophet (prophets can be known for their judgment side) then he'd know who she was and he'd judge her a good one." But Jesus said, "Simon, you guys think you have it all together and you have your nice t-shirts on and appear to have it all together. But the Messiah didn't come for people like you. You don't serve; you didn't wash my feet with water. She washed my feet with her tears. You didn't even greet me, but she hasn't stopped kissing my feet. The person who is forgiven a lot experiences and expresses boundless love. The reason you aren't loving, serving or kind is that you think you don't have any problems." In a way, finishing up, saying, "So, Simon, if you don't mind me saying so, you need a change of heart and a change of clothing. I've got a satchel full of No Perfect People Allowed t-shirts outside, I could get you one if you wanted."

OUCH!!!!! Jesus said it in his own words else where (Matthew 9:9-13), "It is not the healthy who need to go to Kaiser, but its the sick. For I, the Messiah, didn't come for the righteous, but sinners." To have no problems is a problem. So, if you don't mind me showing my skin for a moment, I'm going to just take off this raggedy and tired perfection only and go with a more mild and appealing t-shirt.

Steve and Jessica are Married!!!!

This past week Barb and I were able to celebrate with Steve and Jessica and scores of others up in Tahoe. Steve and Jessica were married at Edgewood Resort and said their vows in one of the most beautiful places on Earth. It was impressive--the scenery, ceremony and friends. Quite the memory maker.
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Crazy Making Formulas

So, anyway, what I was saying is this, what I've been learning, with divine intervention, is that formulas are not the best way of approaching God. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have this book, 12 Christian Beliefs that can Drive You Crazy. What I realized when I was reading bits and pieces of it is that we all have assumptions that are really formulas. Here are a few: If I have God then I really don't need people to help me or to encourage me; If I make right choices I will grow spiritually; doing the right thing is more important than why I do it; If I'm spiritual enough I will not have pain, sinfulness and most crap that people send my way will not bother me. That's a few that they tackle.

I have a few assumptions and formulas of my own: if I read my Bible everyday I will get smarter and understand God more; If I pray, God will be more happy with me; If I do the right thing then I will be blessed, which means that "God's people" won't get mad; it's better to live in peace than to help resolve conflict; if I don't "hear from God" then I must be doing something wrong or there is "some sin in my life." My other assumption is long gone, "If I blog then I will only get positive and affirming comments." The pen is mightier than the sword, and I have fallen on both!

So really 2005 and 2006 are really tied together for me (check previous 2-3 posts). This jive about formulas puts be further along the road I walked last year when God was teaching me about "being."

I guess January is a time to reflect and a time to look forward. The past 12 months or so have been about God teaching me how to be myself. Seems simple. Last January I was steeping in the truth that God created me with certain strengths and weaknesses and I should live within those. I spent most of last year asking this question, "Who is God calling me to be? Why has he created me? What work am I here to do and what am I to be?" It was a time of seeking out the depths of being and doing, one being inextricably linked with the other.

The prompting I've been getting lately is that, for the mean time, I should simply seek God in relationship and not in religion, in friendship and not in formula. Religion has killed many a man and many a faith. It's quite a thought: God being emotionally interested in me, of having that feeling in the pit of his stomach because of his concern for me. I hope to sail further into that bright horizon.

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A Few Days to Rest

It was Christmas night and I heard Santa say, "Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum." Maybe I've got that wrong.

Barb and I went up to Sea Ranch with Robert, Mandy and Adam this past week. It was burly. Landslides, flooded roads, going in the dark, fog and rain trying to make it somewhere I've never been without a map, guided only by the verbalized direction of strangers. Oh, did I mention that in the midst of the ocean spray, howling winds, landslides, dump trucks that there were also cows crossing the road? But when we drug ourselves into the house and ate and drank into the night the morning greeted us with splendor. The west wall of the house was 95% glass and before us in I-MAX form was the Pacific tossing extra foamy waves and froth to and fro, breaking on the crags only a stone's throw away.

We all went out onto the crags and cautiously enjoyed the view. I realized one thing--the ocean is scary. It is not safe. If you were in what we saw you would have no chance. Heck, I'm surprised the fish didn't jump onto shore just to get out of it. So I am changing the saying--"The ocean hath no fury like a woman scorned."

It was a good rest. I watched Sports Center and fell asleep in the recliner with the sun warming me through the I-MAX wall as I read a book I didn't understand. The conversation was good, uplifting and the food was plentiful and so was the coffee and the eggnog. Oh, and the fireplace.

All of this was a gift that was provided for by some people I really admire. I will never forget this past week.

Christmas thought Number One

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope all is well with all of you. I'm fine, thanks for asking. Oh, and Barb? She's good too. Aren't you so handsomely warm today?

If I would have thought ahead I would have had a Christmas devotional or thought for the day each day this week, but a las, I don't have it together this time around. As a matter of fact, I can't really believe it's here already and don't feel quite up to speed about my duties this weekend during our worship times.

Hillside always has beautiful Christmas services. I wish that you could see it. It has a great vaulted ceiling with wood beams their original color. Lighted garland rings the walls and the advent wreath is suspended from the ceiling. Quite beautiful. And the people are extremely loving and warm. Something good is always happening within the community here.

Below is a quote I read recently from Napolean, not the one with cool hair and a great flare for pronunciation, but the one who tried to conquer the world:

"I know men; and I tell you that Jesus Christ is no mere man. Between Him and every other person in the world there is no possible term of comparison. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force! Jesus Christ founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men would die for Him!"

Not with force did Jesus build his kingdom, but with love. And that love propels many to serve and sacrifice for him. I'm glad that Napolean did say, ". . . and at this hour millions of men would kill for Him!" because that would be the antithesis of Jesus. The more I read about Jesus the more I am attracted to him.

An Original Grand Slam Goodbye

Today I said goodbye to Paul Stavrand, a friend of mine. He is moving to New York to attend Columbia University. Over a year ago Paul, Jim and I started meeting for accountability. It's been a good year with those guys and they have always supported me with emails, calls and candid conversations. It's good to have a community like that.

We three met at Denny's off of Paradise Drive this morning and said our goodbyes. I'm going to miss Paul and his take on life and faith. He loves his wife and kids and I think they will do very well being back on the East Coast with family and pursuing this dream.

So, here's to a safe cross-country trip!

Ears to Hear and Eyes to Read

I'm currently in one of the best reading times of my life. Tomorrow evening we wrap up our read through and discussion of The Chronicles of Narnia. It has been unbelievably good and I learned that reading a book with others is a very good thing, something I hope to continue into the future.

Robert McNamara, former Secretary of Defense to JFK and LBJ, has a documentary about 11 lessons from his life entitled, The Fog of War. Said to admit it but up until this point I knew or understood very little of the Vietnam war. I had seen several Vietnam War movies but this documentary trumped them all. I do not watch re-runs, a trait I inherited from my dad, but I have seen The Fog of War about 5 times. I watched it 3 times in one week. I then went to the Larkspur library and picked up Argument Without End: In Search of Answers to the Vietnam Tragedy. It is a brilliant book and by page 93 I understood precisely why it is a tragedy on many parts. All I have been able to say is this: it was one misunderstanding after another, which led not to more thorough communication, but toward escalation. I have mourned as I have turned the pages. I have groaned audibly. And at times I have shook my fist at so many people. Oh, let me tell you how the book is put together. McNamara had this idea that he and high level officials who were in government at that time would travel along with scholars to meet with their counterparts in the Vietnamese government at that time, many who are still alive and well. I think that had a half a dozen meetings and simply ask the question, "What were the missed opportunities." I'll gladly talk to you about it, but I'm telling you, if you ever wanted to know about Vietnam, just read 90 pages into Argument Without End.

Yesterday I finished The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Very, very good. You can read it in four hours and you might want to read it again after the last page. It's about a shepherd boy having a dream about finding a treasure in the Pyramids of Egypt. The book is about that journey and how, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." He takes a courageous journey to pursue his dream and his treasure and is faced with hardship and goodness. There are several beautiful passages that make you stop and soak it in and make you reflect upon your own life. Reminds me a lot of the spiritual life.

I just picked up Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller, who also wrote Blue Like Jazz. He writes about the spiritual life passionately, humorously and insighfully. You can ask Barb, I laughed out loud about 10 times in 20 minutes. If you want to read someone who just might be able to verbalize what you've been feeling all the long, then Don's book is a good help. If you think God is bigger than formulas and our thoughts about him, then what are you waiting for?

And just as a bonus, I've never told you about one of the best music groups in the world-- Over the Rhine. I'm currently listening to Drunkard's Prayer and Ohio. I never tire of their poignant lyrics.

Messiness to Holiness?

This weeks has started off fair enough. I've been quite antsy for the past 3 days. I was sick in St. Louis and all of last week practically. I spent about 6 days cloistered from civilization reduced to eating cream-of-anything soup and drinking water--it was like I was on a vegetarian island. Oh, did I tell you that yesterday I slept 10 hours straight without waking? For my superiors who may or may not read this--it was my day off. My personal best was in St. Louis where Barb and I both slept for 17 hours straight, but that has to have an asteriks beside it because we tossed and turned a great bit.

Prince's sermon on Sunday was unbelievably good. He spoke on the Gift of Messiness. When we are faced with messiness we do three things: get apathetic about our spiritual life and say, "I can't do it"; get legalistic and rigid because that offers control and certainty (so we think); or we get honest and walk faithfully and trustfully with God through it all.

It gave me a lot to think about. The Scripture is full of people who were in either of those camps. Prince gave the example of Noah, who is a picture of faithfulness; you know, building an ark in wilderness and such. And then after he survives Katrina's bigger and meaner brother he gets naked and gets drunk. Being a flood survivor must be extremely tough. I also think of David--shepherd boy, man-child, warrior, poet, king, and, GULP, adulterer.

Then there are those who are rigid. If you were/are the kind of person who thought they knew everything about God then Jesus would've been pretty annoying. There were those who were hyper-rigid and led mostly from their head and not from their heart. This wasn't all the religious leaders because we know that Nicodemus was among the Sanhedrin and in Acts he spoke on behalf of the apostles. Some of the Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes followed Jesus. There were some, however, who thought got fit in a box--whether that box was the Temple, the synagogue, or even today, the church. When Jesus tells the story of the lost coin, the lost sheep and the lost child in Luke 15 he is speaking about the out of the box God. And Jesus loved those who were considered to be "irreligious." He hung out and loved (notice the text never says Jesus "tolerated" them) them.

Then there are those who accept the messiness and walk with God through it. That was the gospel for me--truly the "good news." I don't have to be squeaky clean. And thank goodness because on my bed right now is an overdue library book!!! It's okay to have a messy life--Jesus turns messiness to holiness. That's that whole bit about sanctification. Paul dealt with it and so did Peter. And for that matter--so did William Carey, Martin Luther and Dietrich Bonhoeffer. And so does Jason Elder.