The Advent of Adam Joshua

Sometimes things have to lay fallow and this blog has definitely done that. My apologies for all of you avid readers of August Burning. In all honesty I was busy.

It wasn't my first time to see Adam Joshua. Nope, I was there and saw him when he was about 10 minutes old. Wow, I will never forget that. Robert and Mandy are good friends. So very happy for them.

Well, Robert shamed me yesterday for not blogging. I usually only write when I'm in a bad mood. I guess it is because I go and write to get my thoughts out. So, I've not been in a bad mood as of late. A lot of good things are happening. Maybe this blog will show it soon.

Hold Fast to Dreams

In just a few minutes I will be standng up to deliver what I feel is God's message to Hillside Church. I am nervous, sleepy and happy. I will be speaking about revelation and how when God speaks to us it is guide us and to help us. We need an overwhelming revelation from God, a vision and a dream that is spirit-inspired and spirit-directed. Langston Hughes' poem, Dreams, is a powerful and simple insight into it:

Hold fast to dreams
for if dreams die
life is a broken-winged bird
that cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
fro when dreams go
life is a barren field
frozen with snow.

Nietzsche Was Right

In just a few hours Barb and I will take a much anticipated break. We will pack up and pick up and point the headlights toward Santa Cruz. We are staying in the hills close to Pescadero and will spend ample time in Santa Cruz and our favorite small town in this area, Pacific Grove.

It's been a while since we've done something like this. Usually our vacations are spent visiting family. Those trips are always good and satisfying, but this time it is just us. Santa Cruz is where one of our first dates was. Carmel and Pacific Grove is where we stayed for our six month "anniversary."

As I was putting together a cd mix for the trip I got to thinking about how so many important things have happened to me since moving here to NorCal. I attained a Master's Degree and worked three jobs during that time, one of them a life changing experience--an aide in a special education classroom with Erin, Roxanne, Barbara and Katie. I met and married Barb. Lived in the city. I have made so many great friends, several of whom are now living all around the globe. Although Mississippi is "home," in that it is where my roots are, this feels "home" to me.

It was hot last night and because we don't have ac I couldn't sleep. So at about midnight last night I stepped out in the backyard and looked at the Corte Madera flatlands, the apartments at Greenbrae and westward toward Mnt. Tamalpais and was irrevokably struck with what has occured.

Nietzsche was right, the greatest thing in heaven and hell is a long obedience in the same direction. He said that this long obedience results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living.

Sorrow Falls Like the Silent Snow

In 1934 Conrad Aiken wrote, Silent Snow, Secret Snow." That has influenced my thoughts that are below.

I remember waking up one winter's morning. My eyes were blurry and there was a new crispness to the air, even the atmosphere of my bedroom. I heard the door crack open and Mom say, "No school; it's snowing."

In one night the snow came silently and secretly, alarming no one as they slept. It was expected but it still came as a surprise. A brand new, thick blanket covering the world I had seen the day before; everything had changed.

Sorrow falls like that silent snow.

Last Saturday I found out that a classmate of mine from 1st to 12th grade died of stomach cancer recently. Tracy was 28. It has caused me to reflect. To reflect upon the stupidity of youth and the reality of our existence. Of course I could go into my regrets about school and what I could've to Tracy and how I could've been a better friend, but that would be really narcisistic. It's not about me or my feelings. It is about Tracy and her life. Her smile. Her friendliness. Her family and the one's she loved who are left to mourn.

Hitch hiking and symbols

Off to see Hitchiker's Guide. Man, I could've used that years ago.

Things are busy but paced around here on the hillside these days. I spoke last Sunday and am speaking this Sunday. Last week I spoke on symbolism in worship. Symbolism is so powerful, yet we Protestants use so little of it. The first reformers threw everything out with the bath water. The truth the object symbolizes is more powerful than the object itself. Symbols are no good unless they are interpreted. So for those from a Catholic background the mass remained mysterious. The meaning of the images or the motions or the candles were not described and the language of the mass was uninterpreted. The search for meaning was thwarted by lack of translation.

Jesus said that we should live in such a way that others see our lives and honor our Father in heaven. He also said, "by this all will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." It seems that Jesus said and is still saying today that you and I worship leaders. You and I are icons, not in that flamboyant way, but symbols for worship.

To tell you the truth, that makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to lead anyone astray. I don't want anyone to stumble over me because the truth is that the cross itself is enough of a stumbling block already. Anyway, I'll fill you in on the coming Sunday's message as we ask and think about, "What is God up to?"

Jason's Inferno

I'm reading Dante's Inferno right now. It's in a modern translation, so I actually now what the heck is going on. It comes with contemporary illustrations like Los Angeles and San Francisco being the backdrop for some of the carnage with corrupted fastfood signage and garbage all over the place. It's quite fascinating. I love having a 700 year old classic at my disposal. The author took all the leg work out of understanding it. Now I know how some KJV protagonist feel. But that is really not the point of my story.

I've been thinking: Dante layers hell in various degrees. I wonder what mine would look like. Well, today I think that hell would basically consist primarily of having to create a multimedia presentation with moving images and jpegs using only Microsoft Movie Maker. It is the bain of my existence right now. And from the discussion boards online, I'd say it is hell on earth for many others. Luckily Barb's Ipod is nearby. I foresee a day when I am no longer on this cracking platform called Windows.

That's my rant. I think the Ibook's booted up. A way out of purgatory has come! Take me to the pleasant gates of music and video. I love thee, Ipod. Never shall I waste time on "the other."

Near Perfect Pinnacles of Ignorance

That's what Donald "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" Rumsfeld said this week about those in a whisper campaign building up anxiety that the United States would reconstitute the draft. Though I have beef with Rumsfeld on a few of his ideas I must say that his phrases which is the title of this blog pertains to so much of what I'm living through right now.

How is it that I have been a Jesus follower for several years now, have taken college and graduate level courses dealing with Scripture, church polity, leadership and the like and yet know so little? I know that I've heard the answer to that be, "Well, that actually shows your wisdom because you realize what you don't know." I appreciate the intention of that but that doesn't help me sleep much at night anymore.

I have been overwhelmed with the diminuitive amount that I know toward leadership and shepherding a group of people toward maturity in our faith. Man alive, I am realizing so much these days that it is mind boggling. I have long been afraid of leading a group through subversive tactics or in a way that would impact them negatively to the point that for several years I put myself in situations that were safe. There was no danger. There was no risk. I just had to show up. Nothing ventured but nothing gained.

Now I have been providentially placed in positions where I am the leader. Sometimes I am frightened. Sometimes I am confident, not because I am self-sufficient but because there has been affirmation from God in/to my spirit. Thing is also this: I never really learned how to keep healthy relationships healthy. I never learned practical steps of admonition, confronting and sticking to relationships. I have this bad habit of "just forgetting" offenses. Someone will say something and I will talk myself into thinking that they meant it in a way that would not be of any concern to me. I lie to myself a lot.

The pattern is this: their spoken word, a feeling in my gut that I supress and then a few days or weeks later I will say to myself, "That really upset me when they said that. I should've said something." The truth is that sometimes those thoughts just don't/can't come to you right at the moment. I'm a slow processer from facts to feelings. I'm learning how to have that stuff going on and yet still have my faith strong.

I am really tempted to finish this with Bible verses and a flury of fantastic quotes pertaining to this, or a quote from the ever wise Oswald, but I will just leave it at that, because I think we all know what the Bible says about some/most of what I've mentioned. I should just concentrate on the application of it.

Imagination Migration

Charlie Brown or Snoopy was right, a good book is a good friend. So I must commend my companions of late: Scripture and The Shaping of Things to Come.

I've been reading through Jeremiah, that afflicted prophet and child of God who expresses so much of what we really feel and think about God if we were reflective upon ourselves. I could follow that vein for a while but a short little chunk got my wheels going today, "Even the stork in the sky knows her appointed seasons, and the dove, the swift and the thrush observe the time of their migration. But my people do not know the requirements of the LORD" (8:7).I was imagining scenes from that great indie film Winged Migration. Those seemingly brainless but beautiful creatures know intuitively their appointed season of migrating, their time of returning. So, there is a time the people of God should migrate/return to God. We have a nickname for that: "repentance." The context of 8:7 speaks more, so I will let you have the joy of studying that.

And my ole fav, Douglas Coupland, (author of Life After God, The Shampoo Planet: Tales for an Accelerated Culture) showed up in The Shaping today. Douglas has a powerful knack of bringing melancholy and mood into his writings, especially toward the feeling that one gets when they consider the landscape within the soul of a Generation Xer. In his book, Generation X (London: Abacus, 1991), he wrote the following about the middleclass malaise:

"You see, when you're middle class, you have to live with the fact that history will ignore you. You have to live with the fact that history can never champion your causes and that history will never feel sorry for you. It is the price that is paid for day-to-day comfort and silence. And because of this price, all happinesses are sterile; all sadnesses go unpitied."

The middle class is on a precarious perch betwixt two worlds: affluence and poverty. The middle class has the ability to change the world and influence both the powerful and the forgotten but comfort, pride and fear has conquered the middle class. The middle class adopts a lifestyle that is beyond their own means and struggles to find any meaning that exists beyond a lifestyle.

And so it is.

The Fervor of One Drowning

Holy cow, it's been a while since I've returned to the blogosphere. There are many reasons for this: Holy Week demanded all my attention the three weeks prior; my body and mind crashed the week following; usually creativity comes a day or two after taking a day off.

Things are going well. Barb is in the midst of putting a portfolio together and having job interviews. She is a hard worker, loves students and loves art. There is much more to her than that, but that's a good start.

Matches is getting more "pitty." She loves to hike and to chase ducks. She is learning the repercussions of eating someone's underwear: about 3 days of pain and then the passing of "Hello Kitty."

Me? I'm doing well also. I'm getting off the juice: no, not like Balco Barry, but caffeine. I was becoming too dependent upon it. I was also becoming a poor decision maker about food--really, portion as oppossed to the kind of food. Actually, I had made a trip or three to McDonalds. That's what happens when I get stressed. It's comfort food. There's some childhood reason for that, I'm sure.

Holy Week was unbelievably good here at Hillside. We did a mixed-media Good Friday, blending ancient liturgy with technology. It was very moving for some. Saturday night we held a Holy Saturday time during H20. We had meditation stations set up. Sunday morning we had a great time of celebration.

Very few times have I really sensed the presence of the Spirit like that week. My personal worship was good and it really helped me through the hectic nature of the week and weeks leading up to that. However, I'm trying to be more consistent and trying to live to the fullest, like the fervor of one drowning.

Here she is in that inquisitive stance. She's a cutie and loves to exercise.....perhaps more than I do. Wait, especially more than I do. Anyway, just had to post this to give a friendly face to that cool name.
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Matches

Barb and I are in a foster-to-adopt with a dog named Matches. She has been with us for 8 days. She is five months old and seems to be quite intelligent, and I don't hand off that kind of compliment liberally. She is getting used to Barb and me and we are getting used to being followed. We are currently getting pics developed and hopefully will have a few to post soon.

Check Matches out. Her picture and story is about 3/4ths down the page.

Some of you have commented on the personality and disposition of American Staffordshire Pit Bulls. On a temperment test given by the American Temperment Test Society "Pitties" received more favorable grades than: Cocker Spaniels, most Dachshunds, Collies, Chihuahua (insecure little fellas), Beagles, Dalmations, and Poodles. As a matter of fact, Pitties received a grade of 83.4% and Golden Retrievers received 83.6%. Check out the results.

One

Every Sunday the church I am a part of takes communion. We gather in two rows down the middle isle. Three people are at the front: one holding the bread in either hand and two on either side of the bread holder holding cups/goblets of juice. This goes on every Sunday I every Sunday I am touched by it. There is something special and powerful when a whole room comes together and moves toward a defined goal. It seems to me that they no longer come just as individuals but as a collective: one body of believers moving toward the one body of bread.

His body was crushed and torn for us. His blood was spilled for us. He then said that whenever we partake of this meal that we should "do so in remembrance" of him. I don't think that that is just a mental ascent or just thinking, "Jesus." I think it is saving a place for him at the table, or in our case, in line.

It is also powerful when friends you work with or play with or live close to are standing at the front serving you the body and the blood of Christ symbolized through the elements. You look into their eyes and you know that they know you, that they have seen your faults and still love you. Here is exemplified the fact of ongoing, enduring, steadfast love. And yet how great is the fact that Jesus is our friend, "No greater love has anyone than this that they would lay down their life for their friends. You are my friends if you do what I command."

I must give props to one person though. Eric Eckstein played his guitar and sang this morning. "I Came to the table...." Very beautifully done. It touched me because I know Eric. He was one of the leaders in the Alpha class that I took. He wants to know more about Jesus and what it is to live out an authentic loving relationship with God and with his family. So thanks, Eric.

And thank you, God.

AFA Follow Up

Okay, I have to do this because I said I would. It gives me no good pleasure, but for all of you loyal readers out there I have to stick to my guns. Two months ago I received an email asking me to vote for The Passion of the Christ for the CBS People's Choice Awards, namely for Picture of the Year. I emailed AFA and asked them why they thought it was important for the film to win and what if the film didn't win. What would that say. Anyway you can read that blog here.

Well, I actually have contacted AFA (American Family Association)three times and have gotten no response. I'm disappointed that I've been ignored and their credibility has lessened in my eyes. When I see "Contact Us!" I just expect to be responded to. Maybe the exclamation point is misleading. Anyway, I'm going to "contact them!" again with a link to this post. I told them I would write about it and post it, so I'll keep my word. Anyway, no big whoop.

For God's Glory and His Gladness

I have heard and have said many times that God's intention of sending Jesus was that he could redeem humankind and that this redemption is to be to the praise of his glory. I believe that very strongly but "for his glory" is only a summation and is not the whole of the matter. It is a point but is not the point.

In the book of Luke, chapter 15, Jesus teaches about God's emotions. The purpose of his telling of the story is that others were coming to him and saying that God had no or little positive interest in "sinners." Jesus is not just paradigm shfiting, he is crushing an incomplete doctrine. He says that there is rejoicing in the presence of angels when one "sinner" repents. "In the presence" shows us that it is God's own joy that is being displayed. It is not only for his glory but for his gladness!

That is a part of the dna of love: it identifies with the welfare of another. Any good and right father would take concern over their child. Every good shepherd worth his salt would be concerned over a sheep that has been lost. Any good and fit husband would be concerned over the health and wellness of his wife. It is no different with God for those three things (father, shepherd, husband) are used as metaphors in Scripture to talk about God and his relationship to us. It is an amazing thought to think that God is emotionally interested in my outcome and will only rest when I/we are home safely.

Plumbing the Depths

I put up a dog/deer fence Friday afternoon. My hands are still feeling quite raw. As I was putting the clasps on the fence, checking the stability and the tautness of the strand I kept thinking about having a dog, hopefully Murphy. I thought about how a deer could jump over the six foot high fence and destroy a lot of things in panic. All in all I was quite successful. If you ask Barb that is a monumental occurence. I noticed a problem with one of our doors leading into the garage area and she looked at me and said, "Promise me you will not try to fix it." It wasn't the frankness of her statement but the truthful implications of it, that bothered me. But I'm apparently out of my slump and can do anything. Maybe a house of cards.

Well, I was really looking forward to taking a shower and getting ready for the raucous night as two friends were going to come over and stay for a while. And as I turned the corner to the shower I noticed that water was coming back up through the drain. Hmm. I plunged it and then I snaked it. And while I was snaking it more water came back up and it was colder than the water I was stepping in. Oh, and then the toilet started girgling like a stew, a very slow boil. I realized that perhaps I shouldn't try to take the toilet out of its setting and that my arms just weren't long enough or skinny enough to do the job. So, I called a plumber.

The plumber was quite nice and as of 930 Sunday morning I can now take a shower and flush without trepidation. Metaphor: plumbing the depths of capability. Most of the time life is about common sense and having a fair calculation of what is possible through your skill. I know I have a lot to learn. The water coming back up into the shower was not the problem. Nope it wasn't. The water coming back up into the shower was a symptom signifying that something deeper was askew. Perhaps I need to consider some attitudes and behaviors as symptoms of a greater and deeper need.

Adoption of Murphy

Barb and I are in the adoption process. His name is Murphy and he is an American Staffordshire Terrier, also known by the name, "Pit Bull." Now, before you freak and ask why or, if you live in Marin, before you get the idea to sue me beforehand, let me explain a few things.

Pit bulls are not human aggressive, honest. It is not in their genes to be human aggressive. Pit bulls were reared to be fighting dogs. The owners of these dogs wanted dogs who were intellient, athletic, tenancious and had a high pain tolerance. If a pit bull was neither of these they would kill it. Since the owners had to separate the fighting dogs they would have to reach into the pit. If a dog bit the master it was a very good sign that the dog would later be killed. By doing this they actually elimanated from the gene pool pit bulls who would be aggressive toward humans.

Number 2, I'm a good person and promise not to slap Murphy in the head with pictures of you so that when he sees you he will go into some kind of Pavlovian fit.

Number 3, pit bulls are dog aggressive. They have to be watched when out in dog parks and have to be supervised when they play with other dogs. First of all, I've been to dog parks around here and I must say that I don't want any dog of mine hanging out with the riff-raff that I've seen--a bunch of yelping, ill-mannered hooligans.

Number 4, I'd just like to repeat number 2.

Here's a site: www.badrap.org

Communion and Elections

The Iraq elections have taken place and as of yet there is no stated winner. I've spent some time thinking about that whole situation. I have cousins who are in the service and they mean a lot to the family. I have no idea how a person says good bye to their spouse like that not really knowing what may come. That is sacrifice.

Yesterday my pastor and I shared the teaching time. I also lead in the communion time. We take communion every Sunday morning. We form two lines down the center isle and come toward the front. We have a baked round loaf of multi-grain bread held by someone standing in the middle. That person has a person holding a cup of juice on either side of them. We break a piece of the bread and dip it in the cup and consume it and then return. I have always liked how Hillside has communion. Before we come up someone leads in a reflection or a few thoughts about communion and then leads the congregation in prayer. That was my job yesterday and I would like to include that here.

"The Iraqi elections are going on right now. All the world is watching. It is times like these that we pray that God would raise up strong and mighty men and women, people who are brave and wise. We pray that God would open the eys of the hearts of those who have nothing but hatred toward those who think differently than them. We pray that the blood on teh streets of Iraq will give birth to a beautiful nation of hope. Let us not forget how strange it is in these times to change leaders of a nation without bloodshed or civil war. We live in a special place.

"As we come to a time of taking the Lord's Supper we are reminded of the bread and the cup. Jesus, in Matthew chapter 5, said that those who hunger and thirst for what is right and just will be satisfied. When I see that verse and I look at the world and what has happened at the watch of every generation I realize that our satisfaction might not be gained while we are still breathing. That it might actually be when we stop breathing and see our Savior and Creator face to face that we are satisfied.

"Bow with me, please. God, much is wrong in our world and we need your help. Please guide the leaders of our country as they change the future for each one of us. Bring stability to Iraq. I have a cousing, Steve, who is there. He means a lot to his wife and his two kids, as do those who have lost their lives in this epic struggle. Let us not fail to realize that hte Iraqis have the same feelings of hurt and concern that we do as 14,000 of them have lost their lives. We understand that democracy is not the cure for the world. It is a gift, but it is not a cure. For you yourself, Jesus, were not born under a democratic and free government, but under a pluralistic and persecuting Roman Empire, but you changed it. The cure is a right relationship with you, God, through Jesus, who is reconciling the world to you through his resurrection from the dead. Amen."

PR for 2

Hey, I just want to dedicate this short space to two friends of mine who have some pretty good thoughts.

Annelies: www.musingsfrommymeanderings.blogspot.com

Her choice of words astound me and they way that she can formulate thoughts and interweave life with emotion is unmistakebly genius.

Robert: www.robertgrisham.blogspot.com

He is a dedicated and hardworking guy. He loves to think about things in subtle ways. He can tell a good story. He is one of the best musicians I know.

I'll try to include these on the border of this page as I figure the format I want.

Jason

Of Laughing Clowns and Smiling Saints

I have been captivated of late by the very notion that the Most High God is interested in every aspect of my life. I think that at times I have seen God as a serious problem solver kind of person because I only go to him because of my troubles. Over Christmas I was able to spend time with Barb's family. We all get along really well together. Bev, her sister, and Kurt, Bev's husband, are really easy to talk to and I really feel that they are a huge support to our lives here in California. Bev and Kurt's two children, Lillian and Conrad, are so much fun to be around. Making up games with the kids and laughing into the late night with Bev and Kurt, while thinking about God being interested in every aspect of my life, really made me see that God is not just interested in my stepping through the church doors or cracking open my maroon covered Bible. He delights in me. He has this outrageous fascination with me. And when I put all of this in the first person it has much more of an effect than saying, "God loves the world. God loves all of us." No, I must say to myself, "Jason, God loves you. And when I say 'love' I mean with the same fun and dangerous love that you share for your family."

My pastor and friend, G. Prince Altom, gave me a few books to look at as we are planning a mid-week night of ministry of the Word and Prayer. One of those books is "Prayers for the Domestic Church," which exalts the place of the home as a major influence of the life of the church-goer. After reading in Scripture I took up the book and browsed again the table of contents. I came upon one that captivated me. It is in poetry style but I'll include it here in prose.

"Father and God of Fools, Lord of Clowns and Smiling Saints, we rejoice that You are a God of laughter and tears. Blessed are You, for You have rooted within us the gifts of humor, lightheartedness and mirth. With jokes and comedy, You cause our hearts to sing as laughter rolls out from us.

"We are grateful that Your Son, Jesus, the master of wit, daily invites us to be fools for Your sake, to embrace the madness of Your prophets, holy people and saints. We delight in that holy madness which becomes medicine to heal the chaos of the cosmos since it calls each of us from the humdrumness of daily life into joy, adventure and, most of all, into freedom.

"We, who so easily barter our freedom for illusions of honor and power, are filled with gratitude that Your Son, by His life, has reminded us to seek only love, the communion with each other and with You, and to balance honor with humor..."

So, I say this as I type, "Blessed are You, Lord our God, who invites us to become holy fools."

The Lord be with you.

Good novels and good stories start in the middle. Every story, like every person, has it's own history. Mine is not unlike anyone else's as I've tried to get a clearer understanding of who I am, how God created Jason to be and how I am to live that out. I live it out not so that I can show the triumphal spirit of man, but to show that God is beautiful and just and is madly interested in me. Those early days can sometimes be romanticised or even idolized, but I must not kid myself--those days were hard and those were the days of my slavery. God has come to me and his has delivered me. He has delivered me from more than hell and he is giving me more than heaven.
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